Surviving the Hustle Hangover: Your No-Nonsense Guide to Nailing Your Niche

This guide will help you choose and define the perfect niche for your profitable online business. I’ll break it down into easy-to-understand (and slightly snarky) steps so it’s crystal clear. 🙂

We’re in the middle of AI-driven chaos and things are changing for all of us. Never in our lifetimes have employees been on such shaky ground and because the future looks so uncertain, one of the best ways we can ensure security is to create our own.

The Myth of “Just Start a Business” (Spoiler: It’s Not That Simple)

Trouble is, starting a business isn’t as easy as just waking up one day and deciding to do it – although that’s a fine start!

To make this whole thing work, you need to find a profitable niche.

One that you can do, one which people want to buy – and one which makes you money.

It’s often at the start of our journey that those horrible doubts start creeping in and we wonder wtf we’re qualified to do and what on earth gives us the idea we’ve got anything worth selling to anyone.

You Don’t Need a Fancy Degree – or Daddy’s Trust Fund

I’m here to tell you that you do not:

• need a business degree with a masters in digital marketing
• need to be a certified coach
• need a high school diploma
• need a ton of money behind you to start!

Doubt Creeping In? Good – Let’s Use It

There are a million crazy ideas out there and 7 billion people who might just be crazy enough to buy your crazy idea!

And if you think I’m being crazy and just serving up platitudes then can I please have your attention for …

The Crazy Niche Hall of Fame: Proof You Can Sell Anything

the amazing, the dazzling, the incredible, the one and only… CRAZY NICHE HALL OF FAME

In reverse order of absolute nuts we have:

Third Place: AI Pet Portraits (Because Fido Deserves Fame)

At number 3:

Move over, Picasso!

AI pet portraits are here to slap Fido’s drooly mug into digital immortality. Because who wouldn’t drop $50 to see their mutt as a cyber-celeb? This niche proves even your shedding couch-ruiner, hungry-eyed beggar can bankroll your hustle.

Runner-Up: Artisanal Toothpaste (Mint Is So 2020)

Forget mint – because artisanal toothpaste is the overpriced grin-saver you didn’t know you needed.

Handcrafted with smugness, sage, and a hipster pony-tailed man-vegan who’d rather floss with kale than admit Colgate works. Brushing’s now a $30 flex – and I’m cackling.

The Winner: Chicken Couture (Diapers Still Rule)

… the craziest fucking niche I’ve ever seen which makes good bank!

Because you just don’t see enough chickens wearing diapers – or jaunty themed outfits these days!

So if you’ve been sat there idly thinking of things you might be able to turn into a business and then talking yourself out of them… spare a moment to consider the person who never doubted that chickens needed diapers – and that they were going to make money do it!

(I actually found a chicken diaper lady making $50k/year profit selling costumes for chickens.)

I didn’t even know chickens wore costumes until I read that… but apparently not only DO they wear costumes – but they wear $50k worth.

Annually!

Pause your endless scroll and grill your kids for their batshit business ideas because, let’s be real – their unhinged crayon-scribbled genius might just outshine all your ‘sensible’ plans. Toothpaste made from broccoli? Chicken diapers? Those probably started as a toddler’s fever dream (nightmare), and now they’re raking it in.

You never know when little Timmy’s ‘unicorn poop bakery’ could be the unhinged winner you’d never have the guts to pitch.

As you can see – you can make a business out of literally anything in our crazy chicken diaper world! And if you’ve stumbled across crazier niches than these then I NEED to hear about them – email me direct at alex@beunsociable.com and give me a cracking laugh!

Follow Your Passion” Is Bullshit – Here’s Why

The online entrepreneurial swamp’s got a stinking lie oozing through it: ‘follow your passion.’

Yeah, that tired trope’s right up there with the word-salad vomit predatory Life Coach mills churn out to fleece starry-eyed suckers. Passion won’t pay your Wi-Fi bill – and neither will their $5K ‘certification’ – but it’ll sure pad some guru’s yacht fund.

My Passions Won’t Pay the Bills (Sorry, Chocolate)

Now I don’t know about you, but my passions include hanging out at the stables and burying my face in a horse’s neck, eating really good Belgian chocolate (Neuhaus since you ask or even better: Mary’s from the Grand Place in Brussels!) and curling up under a heavy blanket.

You see where I’m going with this… nobody’s going to pay me to indulge myself there! Although it does bring into question those “crazy niches” up there – was that person really passionate about toothpaste?

Why Men Get a Pass (Patriarchy, Duh)

Why don’t male entrepreneurs get the ‘follow your passion’ drivel shoved down their throats?

Oh, right… because the patriarchy doesn’t coddle them with pastel platitudes to keep them knitting instead of winning. It’s a sneaky little jab dressed up as advice, aimed at shrinking women’s ambitions while the dudes get to chase cold, hard cash. And you? You’re not here to play small or sip that condescending Kool-Aid.

You’re not here to faff about with some cutesy hobby that pays in ‘exposure’ – you need a business that coughs up real cash.

Kids need feeding, bills don’t pay themselves, and there’s no sugar daddy swooping in with a paycheck to save your ass. It’s you, solo, against the world’s bullshit – so let’s make it rain actual dollars, not glittery dreams.

Brainstorm Like a Boss – Even With Kids Screaming

On the Move and Brilliance Strikes?

Don’t let it vanish – bark your ideas into Otter, the app that transcribes your ramblings so you can decode them later. It’s a damn lifeline for us kid-wrangling chaos agents. I use it in the car too – or I’d be chanting ‘don’t forget this crap’ for 20 miles, only to lose it between the car slam and the house stumble – typical!

Voice notes? You bet – I’m a dictator of snark and brains are for creativity, not remembering shit. Take that voice note and listen when you’re back at your desk – be amazed by the creativity you had that you’d already forgotten about! Also, try Descript for slick AI edits or Evernote’s voice memos if you’re fancy. Pick one and save your sanity.

List Your Superpowers (Yes, You Have Them)

This is where women trip over their own damn feet – especially if you’ve been stuck playing wife-and-mommy, sidelined from carving your own path ‘til the universe finally cut you a break.

Cue the whining: ‘I didn’t finish college,’ ‘I’ve never had a real job,’ ‘My skills are dustier than my Pinterest fails’ – blah, blah, freaking blah.

Newsflash: every day you’re pulling off ninja-level shit you don’t even clock because it’s baked into your badass bones.

Could you be the chaos-tamer for the elite? Marie Kondo’s still sparking joy for hoarders (not me… I’m ride-or-die for my junk 😳), but then there’s JoJo Siwa, glitter-bombing her way to millions by screeching and bedazzling nothing useful.

You’ve got skills from some soul-crushing 9-to-5? Use ‘em – or don’t! I’m a software engineer who survived 15 years herding tech bros as a project manager. One coworker bailed to sling coffee beans, another to flip omelettes – and one’s now a cabbie. Point is, that box you picked at 18? Torch it. Let’s get your brain buzzing and your hustle snarling.

Dig Deeper: Four Ideas, No Dread Allowed

Hope you didn’t totally hate screwing around with that brainstorming crap because y’know, digging up the few things you’re actually good at. It’s way too easy to shrug off the badass skills you nail from A-to-Z without breaking a sweat, while the rest of the world flails like idiots at stuff we assume is basic.

Now, quit coasting – grab those four ideas you scribbled down in your ‘genius’ session. Yeah, the ones you ranked 1-4, but if you woke up, stared at that list, and went ‘hell no’ after a night of overthinking, that’s freaking GOLD. Doubt’s your VIP ticket to dodging a dud – embrace it.

Ditch the Losers (Feelz Matter)

Here’s your paragraph, snarked up with a vicious twist:

Nobody’s masochistic enough to chain themselves to a business or niche that screams ‘ugh’ or <gag> fills them with soul-crushing dread. If you’ve clocked that one or more of your precious top-four ideas suck the life outta you, ditch the losers and sub in a spare – no tears, no fuss.

Four’s the magic number for the next step, but if you’re scraping the barrel and can’t muster four that don’t make you wanna puke, whatever, roll with it.

So, let’s dissect those half-assed brain farts you coughed up— and I’m begging the universe one of you lunatics starts slinging Bags of Dog Dicks (trademark pending)—but nah, you’ll probably wimp out with some yawn-fest like ‘VA’ drudgery instead.

Pivot Like a Pro (Excel Queen? Pinterest Ninja?)

Examples of refining your idea: What would be the “VA” skill you could offer the world at large? E.g.,

• You can pivot an Excel sheet like Ginger Rogers moving backwards in heels.
• You think given your experience with Mom Saturday Night Entertainment [tm] that you’re possibly the biggest Pinterest expert your town has ever seen!

The Pinterest one is a great example actually. I rarely use Pinterest except for looking at pictures of Bento boxes which then make me feel like a totally inadequate mother! – so if I wanted to set up my business account I would face a steep learning curve and it would be time and cost-effective for me to pay someone else to do it.

That’s where your expert knowledge comes in – (and it’s now something my VA is doing for me!)

Coaching” – ugh, spare me. Half the planet thinks you need some shiny badge to coach anyone. Bullshit. Clients don’t give two shits about your framed paper – they just want proof you’ve survived the trenches and can walk the damn walk, not just yap about it.

Reality Check: Can You Sell This Shit?

Time to shove your four precious ideas under the internet’s harsh spotlight and see if anyone else is dumb enough to peddle the same crap.

Google It – But Don’t Overthink It

Poke around online, but don’t spiral into over-analysing every pixel.

If nobody – and I mean not a single soul – is doing it, that might scream ‘steaming pile of fail.’ Others have probably crashed and burned before you.

OR: Screw that noise! Do it anyway! Be the unhinged trailblazer who doesn’t give a damn!

Truth is, originality’s a unicorn – so good luck inventing something that hasn’t been flogged to death. You’d need a brain the size of a planet to pull off ‘truly unique’ without looking like a try-hard.

If Chicken Lady Can, You Can

Even that batshit chicken-clothes lady has rivals clawing at her coop now! If a horde of weirdos are already cashing in, you can bet your ass it’s legit and the dollars flow – that’s why we’re slumming it in this hustle hell, not to wallow in doubt or choke on dread.

Are you Getting the Feelz?

Can you strut around crowing about what you do without gagging?

That’s the gut-punch test – if you can yap about it to strangers without feeling like a sleazy con-artist or a total fraud, you’ve struck gold.

If the idea’s a dud, you’ll clamshell faster than a hermit crab, too ashamed to inflict it on the world. Spilling your guts about your gig – and knowing you can actually deliver the goods – is the steel spine you need to shove through this mess. Mindset’s the damn kingpin here, not some wishy-washy sidekick.

I snarl, ‘if niches were quiches, I’d have gorged ‘til I barfed’ – point being, I floundered through a smorgasbord of shitty niches I should’ve chased, not could’ve, ‘til I finally locked onto my thing. Back then, I’d rather claw my eyes out than admit what I was up to – my head was so far up my own ass, I’d have picked a duvet meltdown over chatting up a potential customer any day. Sleep on it, glare at those four pitiful ideas, and by morning, one better scream ‘I’m your bitch’ – still flailing in a pit of your own crap.

SWOT It Out: Strengths, Weaknesses, and WiFi Woes

Big whoop – you’ve finally whittled down your mess of ideas and picked a shiny new business gem. Time to quit preening and start sharpening that niche ‘til it slices through the herd and screams you – no generic crap allowed. Let’s rip into this SWOT bullshit and see what it’s got for your grand plan. Here’s some fuel to spark that sluggish brain of yours – so don’t screw it up.

Strengths: You’re a Freaking Unicorn

You’re a damn Subject Matter Expert – so congrats, genius, you slogged through two measly steps and plucked the one idea that fits your freakish talents – and yeah, you’re bloody spectacular at it, obviously.

You’re the dazzling, unmatched you – and no sad sack’s gonna outshine your swagger, not even close. You actually give a shit about the poor sods you’re serving, busting your ass to drag their lives out of the gutter.

Got a rolodex of contacts thicker than your skull? Score – especially if your LinkedIn’s popping or you’re that insufferable health nut flexing your marathon medals. We all know somebody, don’t we?

Plus, you’re cheap as hell to start – slaving from home online means no overpriced office lease or fancy gear to fake it ‘til you make it.

Weaknesses: Kids and Crappy Tech

Sure, there’s a gang of smug bastards already camped out in your niche, probably lording their ‘expertise’ over you like they invented the damn wheel. Boo-freaking-hoo.

Glance at your kitchen – did Samsung throw a tantrum and ditch fridges ‘cause Philips got there first? Hell no. You start, you stumble, you claw your way up. Right now, you’re a total newbie at herding customers – and you can brace yourself for a shitshow ‘til you stop tripping over your own processes and figure out how not to suck.

Customer service? Expectations? Steep learning curve doesn’t even cover it – hope you’ve got a helmet.

And good luck juggling time and focus with kids rampaging like feral gremlins – my spawn’s home today, hacking up a lung and whining for meds as I type this. I’m still grinding, but productivity’s in the toilet. Flexible schedule’s my only saviour.

Oh, and the tech side of this online crap? You’re clueless – it’s ‘learnable,’ sure, if that’s even a damn word.

Buckle up sunshine!

Opportunities: The World’s Your Oyster

Bunch of randos are already grinding in this niche, so congrats, Sherlock – it’s a proven cash cow, and people are itching to throw money at it.

You’re online, so your reach is basically infinite – any schmuck from Boise to Brisbane’s in your crosshairs.

Good ideas? They multiply like gremlins on a sugar bender!

Once you quit floundering and stake your claim, you’ll spot market gaps like a hawk on a caffeine high – prime for the plucking. Pivot your ass a hair or sprawl into new turf like a greedy land baron; either way – you’re growing every-damn-where.

Threats: Mindset Meltdowns

MINDSET! Cue the inevitable meltdown where you’ll gawk at those smug, established pricks in your niche and whimper, “How the hell do I stack up?” My advice? Quit rubbernecking their every move and glue your eyes to your own damn mess.

I’ve seen too many numbskulls veer off the rails, drooling over competitors’ every sneeze. Stay in your frickin’ lane – no creeping their socials like a jealous ex!

Oh, and watch out for that newbie nipping at your heels, one week late to the party but hungry as hell.

Consumer whims shifting? Boo-hoo – it’s a threat, sure, but your scrappy little gig’s nimble enough to twirl with the market’s tantrums – so call it a win and smirk.

Niche or Quiche? Get Specific or Get Lost

Ditch “VA” and “Coach” (No One Gives a Shit!)

Time to quit faffing and get ruthless with your niche because I’m about to shred “VA” and “Coach” into confetti and hand you something that doesn’t suck – making you a damn magnet for customers.

It’s all about laser-beaming into what you actually do and why you’ve gotta be obnoxiously specific to not drown in the online cesspool of wannabes. I dug out my ancient paper dictionary – yep, a real one, perfect for crushing Scrabble cheaters – and it says niche is: a gig that fits you like a glove and stuff for a picky little crowd. We’re not meek little sheep here, so let’s torch the vague bullshit and lead like the badass bosses we are.

Be the Solution (Not a Buzzword)

I swore I’d obliterate “Coach” and “VA,” and here’s the carnage: people don’t give a flying crap about your fancy labels – they want fixes for their shameful little messes.

Craving Thai? You don’t Google “food” like a clueless caveman – you punch in “Vegan Thai joint that won’t kill my vibe” and hit enter. The sharper you carve that niche, the more you’ll pop out of the online sludge and snag the desperate souls who actually need you.

Lusting after blue suede shoes with tassels? You’re not typing “shoes” and praying Google plays fairy godmother – hell no, you know your diva demands (I’d say ‘need,’ but let’s not kid ourselves over sparkly footwear).

Too vague, and you’re a ghost – nobody finds you, nobody gets you, and nobody’s arsed to play detective just to figure out your deal. If you somehow trick a customer into biting, bet your ass it’ll be a mismatch – they’re clueless, you’re clueless – and everyone’s pissed off in the end.

Nail that niche like a sniper, though, and sell the one damn thing they’re drooling for? Boom – you’re a match made in heaven, both smirking, knowing the score, and it’s all h.a.p.p.y. vibes ‘til the cash rolls in.

Life coach – Oh, You Mean Vague-Ass Guru

If you’re slapping ‘Life Coach’ on your bio, I’ll buy that you’ve waded through a steaming pile of crap and somehow crawled out alive – still vaguely upright, still kicking – and maybe even smirking.

But let’s cut the bullshit: you’re not the all-knowing oracle of everything, and pretending you’ve got life’s cheat codes is a straight-up con.

Your kids might swallow that ‘mom knows best’ fairy tale, but out here in the real world, we’re not building shrines or naming runways after you – sorry, no statues for Captain Obvious.

Pick your damn lane and own it – call yourself the ‘Ugly Divorce Whisperer,’ ‘Pre-Teen Autism Wrangler,’ or ‘Confidence-after-the-Cake Guru.’ You catch my drift, right? That vague ‘life coach’ umbrella’s a snooze-fest – narrow it down, because the broader your bullshit, the less anyone cares. People want your gritty expertise, not some wishy-washy hand-holding gig.

Business coach, Oh Please!

Seriously? Slapping “Business Coach” on your forehead when you’re still wet behind the ears? That’s a ballsy flex for a newbie.

How about you’re the undisputed badass at closing sales, an HR tyrant, a comms wizard, or <hell> Pinterest’s reigning overlord?

If your grand dream is to play business coach and midwife other people’s empires, fine – it’s a cute little fantasy – good luck not screwing it up, I guess. I’d bet on you… maybe.

But right now, you’ve got zero street cred and a résumé thinner than my patience. I’ve watched too many starry-eyed chicks belly-flop into the “Business Coach” swamp with no clue how to run a lemonade stand, let alone a thriving gig.

Half the time, their backstory’s a mismatched mess that doesn’t even vibe with this hustle.

Want in? Sell the one damn thing you’re a freak at. Queen of sales? Then strut out there and pimp yourself as the deal-closing diva. Fake it ‘til you make it, and you’ll stumble into other businessy bits – might even figure out if this path’s a delusion or a goldmine, plus you’ll stack skills to peddle later when you’re not so green.

VA? Hell no, I don’t want that noise!

VA?! Spare me the generic crap – I’m not hiring some vague minion to twiddle thumbs!

I need a freaking Dubsado ninja or a (Convert)Kit sorceress who can whip my email sequences into shape without me holding their hand.

I’m not about to play Sherlock, scouring your half-assed website to guess what you’re good at, then grovel via email to ask, “Hey, can you even spell Dubsado?” Nope – I’m speed-dialing the chick who screams, “I eat Dubsado for breakfast.”

I’ve got zero time or patience to babysit a newbie through it – if I did, I’d do it myself and keep the damn cash.

You’re not a Swiss Army knife of business systems, and… newsflash – that’s fine.

Own the one thing you’re a bloody beast at and quit grovelling about not mastering #allthethings. Name your damn niche – that one trick you’ll be infamous for and quit daydreaming about six months from now like a starry-eyed rookie.

Lock onto that genius zone now. Once the money’s flowing and you’ve got some cred that doesn’t smell like desperation, then you can strut into new territory.

Next up: your Strategy Statement (elevator pitch)—brace yourself, ‘cause I’m not gonna sugarcoat this shit. I’m borderline giddy watching you claw into what you’re best at – drop me a snarky update via the form on my Contact Page and let me cackle at your progress.

Phew – props, you savage! Sticking it out this far proves you’re a doer, not a dabbler, dead-set on a business that doesn’t suck. I’m stoked you’re here and your snide feedback’s gonna sharpen my game – time to slam this into a glorious, no-BS finish!

Your Elevator Pitch: 30 Seconds of Badassery

Time to forge an Elevator Pitch that’s a razor-sharp gut-punch of clarity – screams “I’m the real deal,” and flaunts the fix you sling.

This ain’t some fluffy spiel – it’s your 30-second glory shot, whether you’re trapped in an elevator with a nosy rando bleating, “So… what do you do?” or schmoozing at a networking shindig.

It better slide off your tongue like a shot of whisky, not some wimpy, half-assed mumble… and if your audience squints with a “WTF is this chick on about?” glare – know you’ve already bombed!

Keep it under 30 seconds, or you’ll be yammering at people like a windbag, boring them to death ‘til they’re plotting their escape over your shoulder. Nail this, or watch your shot at impressing anyone worth a damn vanish faster than the free booze at your cousin’s open bar wedding party.

Ditch the Word Salad (Soulful What TF?)

Here’s where most screw the pooch – they either tangle their pitch into a pretentious knot, chasing crap outside the niche they bled to carve – or they spew industry buzzword vomit to sound clever. Feast your eyes on these limp elevator speeches that scream to no one and reek of word-salad diarrhoea:

• “I’m a life coach who helps women achieve their soulful purpose.”
• “I help women live the life they deserve and feel content.”
• “I’m a business coach for female entrepreneurs who want to grow their business.”
• “I empower women…”
  You’ll get a blank “oh, cool” and a side-eye that says, “What the hell?” – no questions, no spark, just a yawn. I mean, “soulful purpose”? I’ve got no damn clue what that’s supposed to unlock in my trainwreck of a life – and neither does anyone else! Torch the vague, burn the buzzwords, let the word salad die at the bottom of the fridge…

Take this psychic I wrangled recently – she’s a gem, sniffing out women stuck in their own muck, too clueless to name their mess. She nailed me: “Forgive yourself for that dumpster-fire divorce, quit seething at your ex – and stop beating yourself up for marrying that loser.”

Spot-on, despite me never spilling that shame-gutted secret – I’d have died first. But her pitch? A woo-woo word orgy: “Intuitive Healer,” “freedom in your soul,” “aligned with your authentic power,” “intuitive gifts,” “divine mission.”

One: it droned on like a bad sermon.

Two: I’m lost – what’s this gibberish even mean? It’s a woo-woo bat signal for the crystal-clutching crowd, but she’s after normies like me – practical, skeptical types who’d rather eat glass than hire a psychic life-fixer.

So I slashed it in half, gutted the jargon, and kept a pinch of her spooky flair: “I’m [name], I use my psychic mojo to steady you – helping gutsy women stuck on secrets they can’t face or fix.” Short, sharp, and… miracle! – it makes sense.

Nail It: Who, What, Win – or Flop Hard

Your pitch better hit these three nails square on the head, or it’s a steaming pile of nothing:

1. Who the hell you serve – zero wiggle room.
   E.g., “I wrangle dauntless women.” Crystal-fucking-clear. I don’t waste my breath on scaredy-cats or dudes – I’d rather gouge my eyes out.
2. Their mess – or what they’re itching for.
   E.g., “I shove no-BS skills and gut-punch strategies down their throats.” None of that fluffy crap – just raw ammo.
3. The win you’re slinging.
   E.g., “So they can run an online empire without drowning in drama.” Boom – endgame, no tears, no drama.

I say “shove” over “help” ‘cause “help” sounds like a limp handshake from a doormat.

Most templates peddle that weak “I help” garbage – screw that.

Dig for a verb with some spine that fits your hustle. Start here and don’t suck:

I [verb] with [your badass niche] who [their shitshow] to [your epic fix].

Nail it, or watch your pitch flop like your drunken ass at that sorority bar.